Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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