you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
