pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
