that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
