This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
