I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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