It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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