I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
