my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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