Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
did i just pee glitter
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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