I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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