i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
