She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
