do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
