Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
