Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
