I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
