you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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