I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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