Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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