where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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