i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
