I can text with my tongue
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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