he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
