I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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