I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
