I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
