am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
