wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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