you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
