It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
