I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
