My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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