hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML