I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
