??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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