he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
