My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
