My hand turned me down
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize