help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
