I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
