how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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