she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
