so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
