oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
