sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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