we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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