sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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