NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
