Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
