I didn't shave. On purpose
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
