After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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