i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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