my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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