Don't make out with my wife yet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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