apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize