Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
