Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
