Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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