I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
