i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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