I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
