Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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