My first STD was from a foam party
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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