You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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