my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just gift wrapped bread.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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