Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
