What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
